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Jetuna Matata : Jason's Creative Corner

 
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jasepl
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:12 pm    Post subject: Jetuna Matata : Jason's Creative Corner Reply with quote

So I don't ordinarily have a creative bone in my body. Not one.

But there's something about Jet Airways that just inspires, as we've all seen over the last many months. In recognition of my favourite airline's sheer inspirational brilliance, may I present my Creative Collection.

The first few are old, the rest will be new (and may be Christmas-themed, since it's that time of the year). Which means I will keep adding as Jet continue to inspire and the collection grows. Perhaps when it's of a decent size, one might even be inclined to publish!

Of course, I have to start with the theme song, which will always retain pride of place.

Oh, You Tube links included to make it easy to sing along (I think of everything)!

And, yes, I agree, I do have too much time on my hands!

1. Jetuna Matata
2. New York, New York (start spreading the news)
3. A JetFail in New York
4. Hark!
5. JetZo the Clueless Airline
6. Hail Lali Queen (Arrey Anita)
7. All you need for Christmas
8. Etti Baby
9. I want Lufthansa for Christmas
10. Cantique de Jet (Oh Whorey Night)
11. The Land of Wonder
12. Joyful, Joyful (an Ode to Anita)
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jasepl
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:13 pm    Post subject: Jetuna Matata! Reply with quote

1. Jetuna Matata
(apologies to Elton John, Timon, Poomba, Simba, Maputo and all of the others)

Jetuna Matata ! What a wonderful phrase.
Jetuna Matata ! It's our latest craze.
It means no money for the rest of our days.
Now, our profit-free
philo-sophy : Jetuna Matata !

Jetuna Matata ! It's the most beautiful phrase.
Jetuna Matata ! More than just a phase.
O why can't you see, we so love our schizo ways.
Hail our connec-tions
philo-sophy : Please fly Emi-rates.
Jetuna Matata !

I say Jetuna ! You say Matata !

Jetuna ! Matata !

(I say Rose en you say Thal)
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:14 pm    Post subject: New York, New York (start spreading the news) Reply with quote

2. New York, New York
(apologies to Frank Sinatra)

Start spreading the news,
I'm leaving today.
No more flights to it,
New York, New York.

If I couldn't make it there,
Will I make it anywhere?
O what can I do?
New York, New Yorkkkkkkk.

Today I woke up in this city
That never sleeps
And found I'm whore of the hill
Not on the list
A JetFail JetFail
Whore of the hill

If I couldn't make it there,
Will I make it anywhere?
O what can I do?
New York, New York.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:17 pm    Post subject: A JetFail in New York Reply with quote

3. A JetFail in New York
(apologies to Sting)


I can't compete with Sabena my dear
I'd rather just roll over to one side
And you can see it in my walk and talk
That I'm a JetFail in New York.

I'm a failure, a dazzling failure
A JetFail in New York.

I'm a failure, an incredible failure
I'm a JetFail in New York.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:20 pm    Post subject: Hark! Reply with quote

4. Hark!
(apologies to Jesus Christ)

Hark! The JetChildren bark
We have failed in New York, New York.
With Jetuna Matata as our guide,
Jet and Failure, have reconciled.
Joyful both the Goyals rise
"See our failure in the skies"
With angelic host proclaim :
"JetFail JetFail in Gotham.
Hark! The JetChildren bark
We have failed in New York, New York.
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:22 pm    Post subject: JetZo the Clueless Airline Reply with quote

5. JetZo the Clueless Airline
(apologies to Rudolph the Reindeer)

(You know AI and IC
and SpiceJet and Emirates
Indigo and BA
and Delta and Cathay.
But do you recall,
The dumbest airline of them all?)


JetZo the clueless airline
Really didn't have a clue
And if you flew it these days
You would know that it's true.

JetZo the clueless airline
Really didn't have a clue
And every time JetZo did wrong
It would blame Prafull, boo hoo hoo

And then that evil Jason fool
Laughed at Jet and called it names
He had the nerve to say that
JetZo had to take some blame

Then one lovely November night
Etti came to say
JetZo / backpack / Konnect / Lite
Will you be my bitch tonight?

With 16 hundred for lala-lali
Jetihad will make history
JetFail oh dear JetFail
Fail in Bombay? Go Abu Dhabi!

JetZo the clueless airline
Really doesn't have a clue
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:25 pm    Post subject: Arrey Anita! Reply with quote

6. Hail Lali Queen
(apologies to the Blessed Virgin)

Hail, Lali Queen enthroned above, O Anita!
Hail, Mother of whimsy and failure, O Anita!
Clueless all us JetChildren
Hopeless airline run on a whim!
Heaven and earth resound the hymn:
Salve, salve, salve, Anita!

Cutter of routes and quality here below, O Anita!
Our creator of losses and schizo, O Anita!
Clueless all us JetChildren
Hopeless airline run on a whim!
Heaven and earth resound the hymn:
Arrey, arrey, arrey, Anita!
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Classy. Razz

May I ask what your occupation is, Jason? Journalist/Creative Writer would be my guess. And not for the Trash of India would be another. Smile
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 11:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Superb - and depicts the true frustration we face with our savior - the one and only Jet Airways!

We really should demand Audio/ Videos of you singing these, and then cross post them on the 9W home page by some hook or crook Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Superb spoofs there, Jason. Some of these we have seen over the years, the new ones make compelling reading.
Cheers, Sumantra.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spiderguy252 wrote:
Classy. Razz

May I ask what your occupation is, Jason? Journalist/Creative Writer would be my guess. And not for the Trash of India would be another. Smile

Hahah… oh no, not even close. I deal in logic, which is the complete opposite of creativity!

I don't know if there's an exact term for it, but my work involves re-calculation of large volumes of transactions. Basically apply the same criteria to the same transactions as someone else did to find differences.

My own role stops at working out the logic to be applied. The programming, application and analysis is done by others.
Nimish wrote:
We really should demand Audio/ Videos of you singing these, and then cross post them on the 9W home page by some hook or crook Smile

sumantra wrote:
Superb spoofs there, Jason. Some of these we have seen over the years, the new ones make compelling reading.

Haha... thanks! I am quite pleased with some of those, even if I say so myself. It's simple truth-based entertainment Smile
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:48 am    Post subject: All you need for Christmas Reply with quote

So, here's a bit of friendly advice to Jet, Lala, Lali, Nikko, Clueless Chopra, Mindless Meena, Hopeless Heena and all their toady minions:

7. All you need for Christmas
(apologies to Mariah Carey)

Please don't ask for much this Christmas
Coz there is just one thing you need
You shouldn’t care about the presents
Underneath your Christmas tree

Only one thing you need to own
More than you could ever know
Make sure it comes true
All you need for Christmas
Is a clue

Just don't ask Santa for Lufti
Oh God no no no no no
It will eat you before you know it
But you'll still blame Prafull, no?

Only one thing you need to own
More than you could ever know
Make sure it comes true
All you need for Christmas
Is a clue

Oh if there's no clue this Christmas
JetZo you should really know
You're really, truly screwed then
Jetuna Matata and ho ho ho

Etti and her money's one thing
But what will you do without a plan
It's only in fairly tales oh dumbass
All that knight and armour and magic wand

Only one thing you need to own
More than you could ever know
Make sure it comes true
All you need for Christmas
Is a clue

Make sure you don't err this Christmas
This is all you should be hopeful for:
That you're willing to see the big clues
Standing right outside your door

Only one thing you need to own
More than you could ever know
Make sure it comes true
All you need for Christmas
Is a clue

All you should ask for Christmas, is a clue
All you need for Christmas, is a clue, baby
All you need for Christmas, is a clue
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Six songs! Two more and you are ready to cut an album! Laughing

My favourite is: JetZo the Clueless Airline

We gotta make music videos for these!
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 8:53 am    Post subject: Etti Baby Reply with quote

Of course, we can safely assume that, instead of taking the above advice, Jet will predictably do this:

8. Etti baby
(apologies to Eartha Kitt)

Etti baby, slip 1600 under the tree, for me
I am such a clueless airline
Etti baby, and hurry with the money tonight

Etti baby, an Abu Dhabi shuttle too
I will fly for you my dear
Etti lovie, just hurry with the money tonight

Etti cutie, see my sexy fuselage?
I will repaint it for you, boo doo
Etti baby, jaldi jaldi with the money alright.

I think of all the marketshare I'll miss
Think of all the passengers, I won't lift
I will sacrifice all that for you
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Etti baby, take 30% and really that's
Not a lot
I've been hopeless all year
Etti sweetie, and hurry with the money tonight

Etti sweetie, don't go to that loudmouth Fat One
He's just full of hot air
Etti baby, jaldi jaldi with the money tonight.

Etti baby, I've grabbed my ankles and now
I'm just waiting for you
Etti baby, just hurry hurry hurry alright?

I think of all the pride I'll miss
Just think of all the passengers, I won't lift
I will hand over all that to you
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Etti sexy, there's one thing I really do need: a clue
(But that's not important to me, bee doo)
So screw that and
Etti honey, just hurry with the money tonight.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

JUST SUPERB ....... truly awesome ..... we need to publish this. We can have a music video, with you singing and intermittently caught in between 4-5 hot babes in the pool with the 9W logo on the bum of every girl Laughing
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ROFL !

Cant we make a collection and present it to NG on jets next birthday !
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hahhah! I don't think anyone wants to see me sing and dance.

But if someone could get Anita to sing, I'll sponsor the whole thing. Hell, I'll even supply the earplugs and blindfolds! Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All you need for Christmas and JetZo the Clueless Airline are my favourites !

Hilarious, jas. Keep em coming! Very Happy

Ok, let me put some ideas in your head now. Wink

There's the song 'Land Down Under', by Men At Work. It is probably one of the most modified songs ever. A 9W parody version would be really cool.

Here are the (original) lyrics to help you.

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Land-Down-Under-lyrics-Men-at-Work/3DD99B09485EE01D48256E00000F7300

There'e even Brussels and Bombay in it Wink
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
But if someone could get Anita to sing

Do we wait for the Fat Lady to sing...literally, or will 9W go Down Under (AI is planning for that...literally, that is) quicker? Razz
Cheers, Sumantra.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The_Goat wrote:
Ok, let me put some ideas in your head now. Wink

There's the song 'Land Down Under', by Men At Work. It is probably one of the most modified songs ever. A 9W parody version would be really cool.

Here are the (original) lyrics to help you.

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Land-Down-Under-lyrics-Men-at-Work/3DD99B09485EE01D48256E00000F7300

There'e even Brussels and Bombay in it Wink

Ooh... I never thought of that song!

I'll have to download the song and add it to the player. I'll definitely come up with something!

I've already got the first two lines : "Sabena of Brussels, three foot nothing and no muscles"

I'm sure you can tell the theme I'm going with from that!

sumantra wrote:
jasepl wrote:
But if someone could get Anita to sing

Do we wait for the Fat Lady to sing...literally, or will 9W go Down Under (AI is planning for that...literally, that is) quicker? Razz
Cheers, Sumantra.

Hahaha! Good one!

Maybe the Fat One will sing (croak?) first?
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
sumantra wrote:
jasepl wrote:
But if someone could get Anita to sing

Do we wait for the Fat Lady to sing...literally, or will 9W go Down Under (AI is planning for that...literally, that is) quicker? Razz

Maybe the Fat One will sing (croak?) first?
Ha ha, possibly. three days before...`sab maya(n) hai' Razz
Cheers, Sumantra.
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Another classic - based on 9W's sorrow if the EY deal does not come through - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Will_Survive
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:14 pm    Post subject: I want Lufthansa for Christmas Reply with quote

9 I want Lufthansa for Christmas
(apologies to Gayla Peevy)


I want Lufthansa for Christmas
only Lufthansa will do
don't need Cathay
or some dinky Delta toy
I want Lufty to play with and enjoy

I want Star Alliance for Christmas
Only Star Alliance will do
No oneworld
or SkyTeam's silly JV ploy
I want Star to cherish and enjoy

I want Lufthansa for Christmas
I don't know why AI minds, do you?
So what if they got there first
I want what I want (so give me what I want)
That's just the easy thing to do

I dream of me on Christmas morning
creeping down the stairs
Imagine my surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see Lufty baby standing there

There's lots of room for Lufty now I've failed in every place
Yes I failed in New York (wow!), but that's hardly a disgrace.

They all say Lufthansa will eat me up but then
I'm sure just for me, Lufty'll turn vegetarian!

I only want Lufthansa for Christmas
I'll sit and wait until that comes true
So what if I fall to pieces
I'll wait for AI's blesses
Lufty baby, Lufty baby oooh

I want Lufthansa for Christmas
Oompa loompa lederhosen oooh
Who needs Roissy
and those filthy Air France 'Buses
Gimme Frankfurt and Munich too

(oh crap!)

Once I dreamt of Christmas morning
of me creeping down the stairs
Now, imagine my surprise
that boy o boy o boy
I've turned into Etti's toy!

I'll be Etti's bitch now by Christmas
Doo dee daa daa doo doo dee daa doo
Flying the Dhabi shuttle
Oh what a muddle
See what 1,600 rupees do!
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 7:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

More of these please ....... tres magnifique
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jasepl
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

avbuff wrote:
More of these please ....... tres magnifique

Merci! Now the next one will be en français!
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
avbuff wrote:
More of these please ....... tres magnifique

Merci! Now the next one will be en français!


You gona banish them from france before they think of going to france !
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
avbuff wrote:
More of these please ....... tres magnifique

Merci! Now the next one will be en français!


And as a gesture I will ask EK to start a daily Dubai - Nantes flight on a A340-500, like how we fly to Lyon currently.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ameya wrote:
You gona banish them from france before they think of going to france !

Etihad's taking them to France soon. Plus they have the plane-train-bus-rickshaw-train concoction going. So I don't think I'll be a match to such forces.

The only force that will be able to drive Jet out of France if they start flying there will be Jet.

avbuff wrote:
And as a gesture I will ask EK to start a daily Dubai - Nantes flight on a A340-500, like how we fly to Lyon currently.

No deal.

It's got to be a non-stop all-suite 380, with half-naked Arab hotties waiting on me hand and foot.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 8:03 am    Post subject: Cantique de Jet (O Whorey Jet) Reply with quote

I feel especially bad murdering my absolute favourite Christmas hymn – especially the linked version that Jonas Kauffman performs brilliantly. But the Power of Jet is too much for me to resist. Thank God I'm not Catholic, else I'd burst into flames instantly.

No other versions come close to the solemn magnificence of the original, so I had to do my JetHymn in French too. But an English translation (that doesn't rhyme, unfortunately) follows.

10. Cantique de Jet
(with apologies to myself, to Placide Cappeau and all of Christendom)

Ecoutez, JetEnfants, c'est un temps solennel
Où un sauveur arabe est descendu jusqu'à nous
Pour effacer notre débile incroyable
Et de nos passagers arrêter le courroux.
Le monde entier tressaille d'espérance
En ce temps qui lui donne un Sauveur.

Nous devons rester à genoux, attendant notre délivrance.
Etti, Etti, voici, notre Rédempteur
Etti, Etti, voici, notre Rédempteur

*******

Listen, JetChildren, it's a solemn time
When an Arab Saviour has descended unto us
To erase the stains of our unbelievable cluelessness
And to try and end the wrath of our passengers.
The whole world is trembling with hope,
During this time that gives us our Saviour.

We must stay on our knees, awaiting our deliverance
Etti, Etti, behold our Redeemer
Etti, Etti, behold our Redeemer
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 1:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jason these carols are absolutely fantastic

I want Lufthansa for Christmas

JetZo the Clueless Airline and Jetuna Matata are my favourites

Karan
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 3:47 pm    Post subject: The Land of Wonder Reply with quote

M le Chèvre, you got your wish:

11. The Land of Wonder
(apologies to the Men at Work)

Travelling on a Sulabh 330
Cabin crew, each one a zombie
A clueless JetChild, she made me nervous
She looked at me and barked about breakfast

She said

We come from a land of wonder
So New York fails and KL goes under
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover.

Do you know Sabena of Brussels?
Three foot nothing and got no muscles
I said yes, what about it?
She just scowled and tried to hawk me a shendweech.

And she said

We come from a land of wonder
Where Indigo wins and Jet does flounder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover.

There's this place in Bombay
In Andheri, and what else to say
I asked "What are you trying to tell me?"
She said "Anita's gone batshit crazy"

And I said

Oh you're from that land of wonder
Of Jetuna Matata - the road to blunder
I hear it now, I hear the thunder
I better run, I better take cover.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:11 pm    Post subject: Re: The Land of Wonder Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
M le Chèvre, you got your wish:

11. The Land of Wonder
(apologies to the Men at Work)

Travelling on a Sulabh 330
Cabin crew, each one a zombie
A clueless JetChild, she made me nervous
She looked at me and barked about breakfast

She said

We come from a land of wonder
So New York fails and KL goes under
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover.

Do you know Sabena of Brussels?
Three foot nothing and got no muscles
I said yes, what about it?
She just scowled and tried to hawk me a shendweech.

And she said

We come from a land of wonder
Where Indigo wins and Jet does flounder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover.

There's this place in Bombay
In Andheri, and what else to say
I asked "What are you trying to tell me?"
She said "Anita's gone batshit crazy"

And I said

Oh you're from that land of wonder
Of Jetuna Matata - the road to blunder
I hear it now, I hear the thunder
I better run, I better take cover.


Magnifique !,, très bien , mon ami! Laughing Laughing Laughing

Thank you so much! Man you really must release that album. Very Happy
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jasepl
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 12:53 am    Post subject: Joyful, Joyful (an Ode to Anita) Reply with quote

12. Joyful, Joyful
(apologies to Beethoven)

Joyful divine bossy madam
Sparkling, genius, Anita
With a cheerful animation
Goddess, to thy shrine we come.

This our airline once made money
Now you made it penni-less
And our service was once renowned
Now you made it Yemda-esque.

With lots of schizo cost cuts
Clueless children and Rosenthal,
We now have a flying garbage truck
Beloved by bais, baas and backpackers all.
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abhijith16
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I HAVE NOT STOPPED LAUGHING!!!!! OMG, JETZO!!!!
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abhigopal
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 10:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, legendary stuff. Superb....
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PAL@YWG
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent Jason!
"A JetFail in New York" - My favourite!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 4:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks!

I had another flash of inspiration when my other favourite "Little Drummer Boy" was playing a few days ago. But all the lines end in "um" sounds and the only rhyming word I could think of was "bum".

That got very vulgar very fast. So it's best left unpublished!
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avbuff
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 08, 2013 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jasepl wrote:
Thanks!

I had another flash of inspiration when my other favourite "Little Drummer Boy" was playing a few days ago. But all the lines end in "um" sounds and the only rhyming word I could think of was "bum".

That got very vulgar very fast. So it's best left unpublished!


You need to publish it, so that the aam junta can ban it .... and you can become a HUGE celebrity overnight.

Then we will have the Barkha, Sagarika and Arnab lambasting on their patriotic shows; you can say these are all baseless allegations ... me111993, justbala and myself will stage a protest at Jantar Mantar ostensibly for corrupting our culture (and more to hit back for abusing our favourite airlines).

You need to take this plunge Razz
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abhijith16
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

avbuff wrote:
jasepl wrote:
Thanks!

I had another flash of inspiration when my other favourite "Little Drummer Boy" was playing a few days ago. But all the lines end in "um" sounds and the only rhyming word I could think of was "bum".

That got very vulgar very fast. So it's best left unpublished!


You need to publish it, so that the aam junta can ban it .... and you can become a HUGE celebrity overnight.

Then we will have the Barkha, Sagarika and Arnab lambasting on their patriotic shows; you can say these are all baseless allegations ... me111993, justbala and myself will stage a protest at Jantar Mantar ostensibly for corrupting our culture (and more to hit back for abusing our favourite airlines).

You need to take this plunge Razz


HAHA, You just summed up Indian political mentality in 50 words..

Do it!
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 12:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

avbuff wrote:
jasepl wrote:
Thanks!

I had another flash of inspiration when my other favourite "Little Drummer Boy" was playing a few days ago. But all the lines end in "um" sounds and the only rhyming word I could think of was "bum".

That got very vulgar very fast. So it's best left unpublished!


You need to publish it, so that the aam junta can ban it .... and you can become a HUGE celebrity overnight.

Then we will have the Barkha, Sagarika and Arnab lambasting on their patriotic shows; you can say these are all baseless allegations ... me111993, justbala and myself will stage a protest at Jantar Mantar ostensibly for corrupting our culture (and more to hit back for abusing our favourite airlines).

You need to take this plunge Razz


Hhahahahahahah! Too funny!

Let me first call Anjali Waghmare so she can apply for anticipatory bail.

That will give you time to direct the JetChildren to pelt my windows with shendweeses and destroy the Colaba post office and a few shops and redi-wallahs in the neighbourhood. You can of course claim it was a spontaneous and natural reaction of the horribly wronged JetChildren and, really, how can I expect any different when I offend the sentiments do gravely?

Clueless Chopra – the leader of the shendwees throwing gang – will confess to not having read the offending poem, or even knowing what it's about. When asked by Barkha, she will declare "I don't need to read or know. Ojas told me it's offensive, so I will throw shendwees."

Of course Anjali will first agree to represent me and then withdraw because of the pressure and the harassment of her family. You and your JetGoondas will get off scott free on account of the natural, spontaneous and malice-free nature of your reaction.
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