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jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Y oh Y oh why ?

I had a ton of Jet points sitting around being useless (like half of our nation's combined wide-body fleet) and a bunch of those were nearing expiry, so I decided I may as well use them to go somewhere for a quick chutty.

Even though I've been there several times before, Hong Kong was the best option for a number of reasons. It would also mean the chance to hang out with my cousin Mariette and see how far along L'Affaire "The Toy" has progressed.

Upon hearing of my plan, my cousin Ben (who is Mariette's brother) decided he needed to get away from the wife and the kid and the domesticity of life in the provinces (it was his kid's naming thing I went to in Grenoble last year, if anyone remembers) so he decided to come to Bombay for a few days, then the two of us would go to Hong Kong together. Perfect.

Stupid Jet Airways seem to have blocked from redemption all premium seats across their network for perpetuity it seems. As Bala and others suggested, I decided to look into using those Jet points to fly Cathay instead.

Being able to do that would be so deliciously poetic on so many levels. I just had to.

Looking into partner availability was a simple enough process: you make a request online, by providing the route and class as well as giving them three date options, and they're supposed to get back to you in three days.

They called me the same day. Surprisingly, the JetMan was actually pretty good: polite, efficient, knowledgeable and in possession of a sense of humour. Excellent job.

First he suggested I fly on Jet itself, since nearly all the flights were wide open, the whole process was easier, and there were less restrictions. But, of course, not a single J or F seat was available for the next 331 days so I asked him to look at Cathay.

Cathay showed J available on a few dates, but not any that would have worked for me. And getting two seats would have been that much more difficult, so I asked him to just go ahead with economy. Hong Kong is just long enough to warrant J but oh well. I was tempted to just buy a ticket for the exact dates I wanted to go, which would have been more convenient and about the same cost of a redemption, but I didn't want to waste all those points, worthless as they increasingly are.

The nice JetMan warned me that booking on Cathay would mean I could not cancel or change the reservation in any way, but I was willing to risk being unable to travel to fly a better airline and for the sake of poetic justice.

Plus, one gets to fly the 744, which may be less comfortable than a 330, 340 or 767, it at least has character and nostalgic value, unlike the bland, nasty 777s.

That turned out to be a brilliant move. Add one more entry under the column titled Jet's Dumbness:

Using Jet points to fly Jet: 20,000 points plus Rs 8,000
Using Jet points to fly Cathay: 25,000 points plus Rs 773

That 7,000 rupee difference more than makes up for the 5,000 additional points. Add the fact that you get to fly a far superior airline and it's a steal!

Unfortunately, CX were full on the days we wanted to return, so I ended up booking Jet for the HKG-BOM part. I had to give them about Rs 15,000 for two. One can't win them all.

Easy as the search / booking process is, paying for it is a whole different story. Lots of printing, writing, signing, photocopying and faxing involved. As if we're back in the eighties.

All was finally done and all I had to do was to wait for a few weeks until the trip and hope that nothing went wrong in the interim. I got very sick about a week before the departure date and it seemed like I might not be able to travel after all, but fortunately, it didn't get too bad and everything sorted itself out fairly quickly as we were back on track.

In the meantime, Delna heard about this trip and decided she was inspired to escape her husband for a few days and decided to come along with Benedict and me. By then, redemption was a fantasy and Cathay was by far the most expensive option and one wasn't sure of the viability of the Fat One's Flying Toy Train, so she bought a Jet ticket. With the near-identical problems, it's nearly been akin to travelling in two different coaches of the same train. She was going to return a couple of days before us anyway.

The night before we were to leave, we tried to OLCI. I should have paid attention to the ticket when the email came, because, oddly, the Cathay booking was on Jet stock and had a Jet PNR number. Which meant I couldn't do anything on either website. Maybe that's a common practice now, but it was a first to me. So I called Jet and asked for the CX ticket number or a CX PNR so that I could check in etc. This time, unfortunately, I got one of the usual JetIdiots, and the pori claimed she did not have that information and could not get it. But was there anything else she could (not) help me with?

I was not surprised.

I was tied up all the next morning so by the time I called Cathay, it was late afternoon. The Cathay wali girlie just laughed and said I should have called her in the first place. She gave me all the information I needed, took down the APIS details for both Ben and me, assigned us seats and checked us in.

*********

So that's it for the background; the CX and 9W details are coming up shortly.

Unfortunately, I don't have too many pictures this time around, and the ones I do have are poor quality. After dropping my phone an average of twice a week, every week for the last two years, it finally gave up.

Amongst other things, the camera got blurry at first. Then it stopped working completely when I was in Hong Kong. Finally, the phone died when I dropped it (again) at BOM immigration on the return.

RIP phone.
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four years free of jetya punti!

me111993 · Member Joined: 04 Sep 2009 Posts: 3225 Location: MAA/AMD

The redemption thing is pretty annoying, my dad got an e-mail saying that about 50K miles were to expire effective 31st of Dec.

You call around looking for redemption seats and find that for as long as you can book, all you get is 1J seat and 1Y seat available for system-wide international routes.
_________________
Causal Determinism : We are hardwired to need answers. The Caveman who heard a rustle in the bushes and checked out to see what it was, lived longer than the guy, who assumed it was just a breeze.

- Greg House

sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

Jason, superb starter. We look forward to the main 3-course meal, even if the mustard sauce and pickles are missing.
On a different note, I note that once a very active forum, of late, this hasn't had much activity. I hope this picks up! I am yet to post many promised reports myself.
Cheers, Sumantra.

Nimish · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:16 am Post subject:

Jason - I've presume you've cathayed to HKG and Jetted back - I was wondering where you'd disappeared off to! Of course Mr. Goyal thinks he's too big and important for the world, and hence he'd rather pay CX to have folks redeem their miles there, than have those redeemed on his own metal which might have been an empty seat otherwise. Miracles never cease...
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We miss you Nalini!

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Cathay Pacific Airways: Bombay – Hong Kong

With our flight at 1.30 (and Delna's at 1.50), we left for the airport at 9.30. Someone living down the road from Delna was getting married, and their building looked perfectly frightful, as if Chinese New Year had exploded on its façade.

Up until Andheri (which is the absolutely worst part of Bombay, without question), traffic was remarkably light and before we knew it we were turning off the highway.

And then, the whole thing went to pot. Seriously.

The last stretch basically turned into one long, pot-holed, dusty parking lot.

It took nearly as much time to do the last couple of kilometres from the cigarette factory to the airport as it took to get to Hong bloody Hong!

This city gets worse every day. And construction is one thing, but what makes it worse is that every few days, they find the need to change something, whether it's on the road or at the airport. Said changes, of course, are never logical, have no rationale, their effect is never considered and there are never any signs or warnings.

Will things ever settle down in this country? I'm not holding my breath.

We finally made it to the departures drop-off, after navigating the typical madness that is found at Sahar.

There too, we found that they had made a change. Cathay use the last set of entry doors. Ever since the terminal opened, after that last set of doors, the ramp would go back down towards the airport exit. Not anymore. Now they want you to take a U-turn on the ramp! As if there weren't enough chaos already. Idiots.

Again, as is to be expected, there was a queue to enter the building, with half the space taken up by the usual assortment of people and their baggage sleeping and lounging in the entry way.

We had already dropped off Delna at the previous entry door, where I cheekily wished her bonne chance dealing with the JetZoo. The Cathay check-in fortunately had very few people in the queue and the experience was calm, organised and extremely quick.

Given how we weren't able to check-in online until just a few hours ago, had no status, were on the cheapest possible redemption tickets, purchased through an even stingier partner, I wasn't surprised that the seats we had turned out to be in the third-last row. I has asked for (and got) the centre section which is the best option in a 3-4-3 layout. Less creepy-crawlies to deal with.

I asked the check-in girlie if the flight was full, and she said there were only two open seats in First and the rest of the plane was chock-a-block, with Business oversold.

There's also the common-use kiosks for checking-in, if one desires. Cathay have signed up for them; Jet haven't. Presumably because they would have to pay 25 paise per passenger or some such, and their penny-wise-pound-foolishness got in the way.

I knew we'd be done well before Delna so I had told her we'd wait for her near the immigration desks. I thought about walking over to the Jet desks and taking a picture of the JetZoo for Bala, but we were comfortable where we were and couldn't be bothered to walk all the way and back. So we just sat tight.

We didn't actually join the long-ish queue, because we had time, and I didn't want to be one of those I bitch about.

You know, the ones who send one person (usually a child) to wait in the queue, to be joined later by 27 others. Of course those others will want to violently push past everyone else who's been queuing patiently for an hour (sss sss… sside). And when questioned why they're violating the queue, the answer is typically along the lines of "We're family".

So? Go to the back of the queue mofo!

Anyway, Delna got there a good 40 minutes after we were did. The Jet check-in was a zoo, turns out. At least according to her.

Whilst the immigration queues were long, it took only about 20 minutes, including the time taken for much flipping of pages and the usual bizarre silliness.

Security was surprisingly empty, with just a few people ahead of us. Of course, some of them remained clueless about security procedures, even though they've clearly travelled plenty before.

Though Delna wanted to be with us in the queue, they wouldn't let her and she had to go to the lad-isss queue. This time, she was done before us and had to wait a couple of minutes.

By the time all this was completed, it was very nearly boarding time. Ben had a last cigarette in a "swanky" new smoking fishbowl that looked like a crack den (I suspect the exhaust / ventilation will probably be installed sometime in 2014. And it will actually be started a couple of years after that. And then seeing how it was just sitting there for so long, it will likely stop functioning within a month, to never be repaired or replaced. Don't be surprised, that's how things work in our country).

We "dropped off" bawa at her gate, where I bade her bonne chance once more, this time for the whole pathetic bus shit-show that Jet have going on, reminded her to be nice to the JetChildren when they don't even pretend to know how to do their job on the plane and told her we'd see her at immigration in Hong Kong.

Boarding was a zoo, in that a full 744 load of people got up and made a run for the boarding podium as if there were a fire. But the CX wallahs managed to keep things under control, with two people holding up placards that showed which rows were being boarded and the others checking boarding passes and the colour-coordinated boarding pass covers, resolutely preventing anyone else from going past. We weren't in a rush, so we just sat there until almost everyone was done boarding before making our way onto the plane.

No additional security check or bag search was conducted on the jetway, unlike on the Delta flight a few months ago. Just the bog-standard mindless looking for stamps every 20 metres.

Walking onto the plane, you wouldn't be able to tell it was 20 years old. All the kit was immaculate and it looked as if it had come off the production line just a few weeks before.

It was a long hike back to the very end of the 744, but it was mildly entertaining to take in the sights and sounds (and smells!). Still, it was a bit disorienting to be so far back… I don't remember the last time I sat in a seat that went past the 20s in number (excepting the BA upper desk). Row 66 was certainly alien territory!

I'm spoiled, I know.

As is the norm with desi flights, the demands started whilst the flight was still boarding:

Excuse me, can I have water?
Excuse pliss, I need milk for my baby.
Snap! Snap! Two large Black Label with half water half soda.

Soon the cabin settled down and we were ready to get going. Menus and Hong Kong landing cards were handed out. Announcements were made in English, Cantonese, Mandarin and Hindi, lights were dimmed and we were off.

Speaking of menus, there were actual printed menus handed out to everyone in economy. What's more, said economy menu was actual cardboard and it was for BOM-HKG only. Unlike a certain airline that basically prints both the inbound and outbound offerings on the same flimsy piece of butter paper (with both selections often identical); that's in Business, for economy, we'll find out.

Code:

To maximise on your rest, we have prepared a lighter selection of snacks which are available on request after take-off. A full breakfast selection will be offered prior to arrival.

~ Beverages
* Chivas
* Black Label
* Cognac
* Vodka
* Gin
* Rum
* Sweet / Dry sherry
* Campari

* Mosel Reisling Kabinett 2009
* Espirit de Serame Cabernet Sauvignon 2009

* Beer

* Chai, coffee, thanda, juice

~ Refreshment
* Sandwiches are available on request throughout the flight.

~ Breakfast
* Masala mushroom omelette
… -- with grilled chicken sausage, Lyonnaise potatoes and tomato with spinach
* Medu wada and idli
… -- with sambar and pongal
* Stir-fried noodles
… -- with chicken and pak choy
* Fresh seasonal fruit
* Fruit yoghurt
* Croissant with jam and butter
* Chai, coffee, thanda, juice

Soon after take-off the captain came on to say a quick hello, gave a couple of flight details and said he's going to shut up now so everyone can rest.

The crew had also started their refreshment service. Which consisted of them going up and down the aisles with trays of sandwiches and a selection of the more popular beverages and offering them to anyone who was interested.

I wasn't hungry, but I accepted a sandwich anyway just to take a picture.

Bénédict wanted a glass of wine, which wasn't on the tray, so she brought it out in a couple of minutes.

The best part was that they did this without turning on all of the cabin lights and in near silence. Which was great, because so many people were already asleep and who really needs to eat at 2 am anyway.

I needed something more to drink, so I just walked back to the galley and asked for some sparkling water. Which they had, and happily gave me.

Back to my seat, whilst I'm not much of a recliner, I did test out the much-maligned Y seat recline. It did feel a bit weird to have the seat slide forward. Honestly, for a short-ish regional sector, it wasn't as bad as some reviews have made it out to be. It is especially great because you don't have to deal with the person in front of you; you're in control of your own destiny.

However, on a longer flight, I can definitely see how it would be a problem. Cathay do need to remedy the seat situation toute de suite.

I messed around with the IFE for a little bit. Studio CX is brilliant: there is so much choice in so many languages.

The Studio CX programme itself is in ten languages: English, Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, Korean, French, German, Italian, Hindi and Russian. And the selection of content, with the various combinations of original language, dubbed language and subtitles is great.

I started on a French movie calles Les Petits Mouchoirs, starring the beautiful and brilliant Marion Cotillard that I had heard good things about, but I was too tired to last beyond the initial few minutes.

I slept pretty well for a couple of hours (because I was exhausted and the cabin was dark and quiet; not because the seat was anything great) and I woke up about an hour before arrival. Turns out the cabin lights hadn't been switched on at all since departure and the crew had already managed to serve breakfast to the folks who had been awake.

So whilst I was asleep, they had served breakfast to people around me and I didn't even realise it. That is impressive. On both my part and the crew's!

The crew made another round to see if more people were awake. I was still half asleep and not hungry, so I just asked for a coffee and a croissant (that I ate before remembering to take a picture!). Ben chose the eggs and fell back asleep as soon as she set the tray down on his table, so that had to be returned untouched.

As you can see, the breakfast service was conducted in semi- darkness too. It was daylight outside, but with all of the shades down and the cabin lights dimmed, it was far from bright inside.

About 45 minutes before arrival, they did switch on all of the lights and finished up serving breakfast to those who had just awoken.

Since we arrived at nearly the same time as all of the other India flights, we were not "treated" to the depressing sight of seeing four perfectly good aircraft being totally useless and simply sunning themselves all day, every day on the Chek Lap Kok tarmac. Makes you wonder if Goyal and the Fat One bought the planes for utilitarian reasons, or simply decorative purposes. Besides the ego inflation, of course (I'll take five of each please Noël. Merci bien et bonne journée Noël.)

These two aren't my pictures, but they give you an idea of said depressing sight. At times, you can see all four of them lined up next to each other, on a section of the tarmac that should be christened "India being unproductive":

Of course, given that we basically had to walk from Bombay (Row 66) to Hong Kong (the exit door), we just waited for most people to clear out before starting our trek. Here's our beauty of a plane as we exited:

Hong Kong's airport is brilliant: spacious without seeming to be overly large with endless walks, yet incredibly efficient. The one big annoyance, however, is the walkway-escalator-train concoction that one invariably needs to deal with when going between plane and entry / exit.

When we reached immigration, the queues were massive and I was in no mood to deal with that. Fortunately by the time Delna showed up, the queues had reduced to bearable lengths.

They literally took about 30 seconds to process each of us:

Scan passport
Compare passport photo with face whilst the data comes up
If the search yields (I presume) no negative remarks, stamp passport and hand it back

So unlike the endless charade favoured by our self-aggrandising immigration officials.

Anyway, we picked up our bags, got some spending money out of the cash machines, and were soon in a cab to Mariette's.
_________________
four years free of jetya punti!

theflyingsikh · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 11:19 pm Post subject:

Superb narration.

I love your tongue in cheek remarks.
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Aerosexual...!

Nimish · Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 12:27 am Post subject:

Very nice Jason - though I'm missing the drama element here - seems like a nice routine flight - not something we'd wish on you Wink

. We need some excitement and titillation because you can narrate them so well Very Happy

.

Surprising to see Chivas/ Black Label as the whiskies on offer - first time I've seen that in any economy cabin in all the years I've been flying (or that I remember)! Good for CX. Especially cool was the silence and darkness - clearly CX has a reason for doing well on the BOM-HKG sectors.
_________________
We miss you Nalini!

justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

Given tht you are obsessed with me Rolling Eyes

I thought I SHOULD reply to this (well apart from the fact that I just cudnt resist!! )

The TR seems like a Manoj Kumar movie (or if you are a Kollywood fan - something akin to a T.Rajendar movie!!). Everyone knows the ending and most parts of the story, even without having to see the movie. Very Happy

We know - phoren airlines very good very good, Indian ones very bad very bad!!

That apart, I love the CX IFE too, probably the best in the world rt now. The best part abt it, is that they have entire seasons of sitcoms and dramas and not just an odd coupla episodes.

Personally I like the Y seats in CX. Have flown them from HKG to Australia and they did not seem uncomfortable. Its nice not to have the person in front of you, push their seat back at the most unexpected of times!!

shasi1711 · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 1:55 pm Post subject:

Excellent report, Jason! Great narration and a wonderful sense of humour (using the original spelling and not the American one). I was, as usual, laughing reading your report.

CX service sounds definitely great - especially carrying out the meal service in darkness without disturbing the sleeping passengers.

Looking forward to your return trip with 9W. As mentioned by Bala, I'm sure it will have all your drama.

justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

I was at BOM T2 last nite (enroute to DFW on LH) and unlike some lazybums tht we know of Laughing

, I decided to trek all the way to the 9W counters to encounter the infamous "JetZoo" and here is what I saw, this was abt half past midnite.

Horrible, just horrible I say!! Can you imagine , 7 people before you in a line for 7 counters!! What a mess!! Rolling Eyes

Nimish · Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:57 pm Post subject:

justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

02 Hong-Kong

Mariette lives in Central, which is basically an expat-filled fairyland. A bubble, where, most likely, the only local Chinese people you will meet are either serving you, selling you something, or cleaning up after you.

And she got a sweet expat package too, including a big flat (for Hong Kong standards), complete with maid's room (where Delna slept… hahah!).

Besides being in the heart of Mid-Levels, her place is right off Hollywood Road and just a few steps from the escalator and it has direct car access, which makes it even more convenient.

Here's a few views from her flat:

And here's the spectacular view from the rooftop of her building, with Kowloon on the far side, across the harbour:

It being late November, Hong Kong was already quite Christmassy. A little early in my opinion, but oh well.

And as little as I care about Christmas personally, its advent does mean that glorious Christmas music is played everywhere! I am steadfastly against any religious anything of any kind, with a singular exception: I heart Christmas music.

Minuit Chrétien is far and away the best; the only one that gives me goose bumps. And ancient as it is, the more recent renditions by Jonas Kaufmann or Juan Diego Florez are outstanding.

Amongst the more tongue-in-cheek Christmas songs, Santa Baby is my favourite. And no one's been able to match Eartha Kitt's original.

For something more contemporary, Michael Bublé's 2011 Xmas album is actually very good.

*****************

Anyway, back to Hong Kong, where we pretty much followed the expat lead, and did not leave Hong Kong Island.

It was a total holiday, in that we did nothing constructive. Nor did we bother to shop or see the usual sights.

In short: We ate. We slept. We drank. We sat around. We ate some more. And then lazed around some more.

We also went out on a junk one afternoon and we got foot massages. We saw a movie in a makeshift open-air "cinema" on the rooftop of a 20-something-story building and we went to the beach. We ate and we went to the zoo.

Of course, all those "activities" involved between one and all of eating, sleeping, drinking and sitting around!

*****************

What we ate

The food was all about things we don't get in Bombay. Of course, most of these are verboten, but I couldn't help myself. I made myself extremely sick, and could see a few hours of my life being shortened with every deliciously sinful bite, but it was so worth it!

Here's some of the glorious food we ate. My camera died well before the end of the trip, but I later realised I just had to get some pictures up, because the food was just that good. So some of the pictures are mine, some aren't.

Bacon: the most amazing, versatile food invented. It goes with the sweet. It goes with the savoury. It goes with itself!

Pig-in-blanket

Asparagus wrapped in proscuitto

Chinese food: I'm not the world's greatest fan, but some things are too good to pass up!
Brisket

Cha siu bao

Pork belly soup

Siu Yuk

Dumplings and dim-sum filled with spicy pork and vegetables

Khallas!

Mexican:

Burgers (big, fat ones!)

Cow
Steak Tartare (done French style, so still mooing!)

Flank Steak (done Cuban style, hot and sour)

Pizza : honest, New York-style pizza slices at Paisanos!

Dessert:
Carrot cake

We went to a chocolate tasting

Fruit
The amazing berries that, unfortunately, we almost never get in Bombay. On the rare occasion that some fruitwallah has them, they want an obscene amount (Rs 3,000 a kilo for cherries last week!).

Bubble Tea: I refused to even try it; I think it's a vile concept.

*****************

What we did

We went to the beach:

Where there was a sand sculpture contest going on:

And a group of Argentinian kids were grilling out (they shared!):

Ocean Park taught me that pandas sleep for 11 hours and eat for 12.5 hours a day. Suck on that Darwin - surely that's the pinnacle of evolution.

We got foot massages every day (cheaper than Bombay):

And little fishies ate away at the dead skin of our feet:

*****************

What we saw

Occcupy Hong Kong

Victoria Prison Rules

A note to Ai Wei Wei?

Banned destructive fishing methods apparently include: vacuuming them up (though the turtle looks like its having fun), blowing them to smithereens, trawling with laundry baskets, feeding them poison, and electrifying the crap out of them (and probably electrocuting yourself in the meantime, too).

Does this count as animal cruelty?

Fresh crustaceans

WTF?

Toner Cartridges in a vending machine at the train station

Creepy fake people waving from a balcony

Chinglish at a Szechwan restaurant

I wonder what the ingredients are?

No idea what it says, but looks promising!

_________________
four years free of jetya punti!

justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Nimish · Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:38 pm Post subject:

Mmm - all the food pictures and the thought of some BBQ in Texas (a friend took me to an awesome local place) has me drooling. Unfortunately here in the bay, it's well past time for me to get ready and head to work Sad

.
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We miss you Nalini!

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Jet Airways: Hong Kong – Bombay

I don't have any pictures for this segment, unfortunately. As I said earlier, my phone's camera revolted from consistent mistreatment.

After an outstanding few days in Hong Kong, it was time to head home. I was ready to go back home anyway, and there was no way my body would have tolerated any more abuse. So it's just as well that we left before my body took a cue from my phone!

The night before departure, we OLCI'd. It worked just fine on Jet's website, but what is the deal with Jet asking if I'm male or female? My gender is in my profile, I provided it again at the time of booking and it clearly states so next to my name: "Jason Mr".

I had totally forgotten that the nasty 777s were doing HKG now, but oh well. Anyway, we picked seats in the centre section way in the back. With a 3-3-3 layout, there was zero chance of any creepy crawlies wanting to climb over us mid-flight.

Check-In and the Airport

On the day, we took a cab to the airport. The whole airport experience, from approach to boarding was pleasant, efficient and painless. It really works like clockwork, just like the whole of the SAR.

The only annoyance is that Jet's check-in is at Terminal II, which means one must do the whole walk-escalator-train-escalator concoction. But then there's always a risk of having to do that even if flying a Terminal I airline, depending on departure pier.

I wanted to get some food (of course!) from Fauchon, so we stopped at the central duty free area on the way to the gate.

Speaking of duty free purchases, try as I might, some things are beyond me: what is the deal with the desi obsession for the ghassela-pitela trio of Black Label, Toblerone and Ferrero Rocher? Almost without exception, that's what the desi traveller looks for and buys from duty free.

There have been several spectacular advances in alcohol and confectionery in the 35,000 years since those three were invented. Yet we as a people never seem to get past them and try something different.

Live a little people!

Boarding at Hong Kong always seems to be leisurely, regardless of airline. The monitors displayed that the flight was open for boarding over an hour before scheduled time, and when we got to the gate, there was no queue. People were making their way to the gate at their own pace.

Boarding and departure

We were amongst the last few to board, and as we made the trek back to row 58 (still somewhat alien territory!) the flight seemed pretty full. Not jhem-pecked choke-a-bloke – there were many open seats – but pretty full nonetheless. I later learnt that Y was "over 3/4 full", J load was 100% and First was empty.

The inflight announcements were in English and Hindi only. And as is the norm with nearly all airlines, the Hindi announcements were long and convoluted and full of terms that no one is likely to ever understand. Why they can't use simple, informal Hindi (like they do English or French or German) is beyond me.

And that's when I discovered that Jet crew have now added a new phrase to their vocabulary: "Inflight Executive". As in "I am Clueless Chopra, your Inflight Executive".

WTF is an Inflight Executive? What was wrong with the old term? It's almost (almost) as bad as calling paying passengers "guests", which is another term they seem to have picked up from somewhere. Because for the longest time, we were simply (and appropriately) "passengers". And then suddenly one day we became "guests".

Also, either this was a Dilly-based crew, or the delightful Inflight Executive was originally from Dilly. The way Clueless Chopra pronounced some words (eg: av-label for available and hair for here) left no doubt about her provenance.

The crew also went around confirming special meals before takeoff, checking if people had ordered what the manifest said.

They now have a cartoon safety demo - maybe it's been around a while but I never paid attention. The whole thing, including the safety announcements, were pre-recorded in a mechanical male voice. If they record that, why on earth can't they pre-record the basic announcements in route-appropriate languages?

IFE

Anyway, after the safety video, the IFE remained on. In that it was on and fully functional before, and remained so during boarding, taxi, takeoff and ascent, which I thought a bit odd, but perhaps it's a change in policy.

The IFE selection seemed to be better than I have found in the past. Or maybe that's just because I found something to keep me entertained for a couple of hours.

They still had some very odd choices indeed:

Three different Harry Potter movies (Really? Really really?)
Planet of the Apes
Captain America
Episodes 4, 5 and 6 of some in-between season of Big Bang Theory
Episodes 11 and 12 of Glee

Who selects the programming? What do they smoke whilst doing it?

Seated behind Ben was a kid who seemed to be obsessed with his IFE screen. Which meant constant, incessant poking in the back. That's the one big downside to having a touch-screen system when it is installed in the back of the seat. Of course, kid's mother was oblivious.

Ben just quietly grumbled a couple of times, but generally sat there and took it. I wasn't going to say anything, because it wasn't my battle to fight.

If it were me, I would have smacked the kid (and the mother). But Ben's generally a much nicer, more patient man than I am. And ever since he's got a child of his own, he's unreasonably tolerant of the little monsters.

Meal and service

So far, things had gone pretty smooth and everything was just fine. And then the inflight service started.

Surprisingly, this set of JetChildren turned out to be even more clueless than usual. Which, honestly, is a monumental achievement, I mean such cluelessness does not come naturally or easily; one must work rather hard to hone it to such an art form.

To begin, it was a long time after takeoff that they started the service. Between napping and watching the movie, I hadn't initially realised how much time had passed until I looked back and saw the first signs of a trolley, which went past us towards the front of the cabin, where it was joined by another trolley from the forward galley.

Clueless Chopra and the rest of the kindergarteners for some reason had decided to do beverages, meals and chai coffee all at once, with two trolleys making their agonisingly slow progress down the aisle as if they were no-legged Siamese twins.

Which means it took forever to even make it halfway down the aisle. I am not joking when I say it took over 90 minutes to finish serving a not-quite-full 777. So those who got served first were basically sitting with empty trays for an hour, getting agitated.

And even though they confirmed special meal requests before departure, they clearly forgot all about them during service. So every time the slow-as-Manmohan cart stopped by someone who had a special meal they had to go back to the galley to find and fetch it.

There were two Germans sitting in the row in front of us (I nicknamed Karl und Heinzie). Well, Karl und Heinzie were clearly getting agitated because of the time it was taking for the service. Lots of muttering in German, featuring "scheise" and "schnell" and "warum"! I could hear them over the IFE at times… very entertaining!

I had finished a movie (Horrible Bosses. Hilarious) and managed to fall asleep and still the cart seemed like a tiny dot on the horizon. Next thing I know I was awoken with a sharp poke on my shoulder. "Yes?" the ever so delightful Abdul barked. At first I thought it was a dream and I was in another world but then heard Ben trying (and failing) to suppress a laugh.

Seriously? "Yes"? That's it? "Yes" what?

Oh well, Abdul can get PMS too, right? Even if he's male. And even though the JetChildren's brains still don't seem to have reached puberty.

It took me a second to recover, and then I asked him what he had. The options were good (even if barked out rather uninspiringly): desi veg, desi chicken and phoren phees.

No Asian food though. And no menu either. Not that one needs a menu, but it is an observation.

I got the veggie: which was roti, rice, bhendi and paneer. The whole meal was nearly chilled by the time we were served and though it looked like a vile concoction, the two bites I took indicated it would have been a very decent meal, had it been served at least warm.

Ben got the phoren phees and, after one bite, arrived at the same conclusion: it was cold, dry and nasty, but would have been pretty tasty had it been served an hour before.

Interestingly, the "salad" was boiled rajma and corn kernels on shredded lettuce. Forget about dressing, there wasn't even salt in the "salad". Weird.

There was butter on the tray, but no bread was ever offered to anyone. What was also odd was that there was no yogurt on my desi tray, whilst the phoren trays had it. The revolting "After Mint" was, of course, omnipresent and made the whole cabin stink.

Dessert looked like it was an Opera Cake. It had payers of pink cream, so I was expecting to taste strawberry or something when the fork reached my mouth. Turns out it was a pineapple cake and the pink was just for colour. That was a bit bizarre, but the cake tasted fantastic. It was brilliant.

At the same time, they handed full half-litre bottles of water, which was nice (and generous, for today's standards). I suppose the crew are saved the bother of getting more for anyone. More time to sit in the galley and gossip and be clueless. And the passengers are satiated with a full bottle instead of the thimbles that one usually expects. So everyone's happy!

Abdul also asked if we wanted anything else to drink. Some beer or juice? Tea or coffee? Turns out he would relay the request to the JetChild who was manning the second trolley of the convoy, she would pour the beverages and he would hand them out.

Ben asked for a white wine to go with his phoren phees. Both the wine and the phees were the same temperature: one too warm to be potable and the other too cold to be edible.

During all this the cabin was a mess. People were queuing up behind and between trolleys, the crew hadn't quite worked out what they were doing and how to get to the galley when stuck between carts… What a shambles.

By the time they were done serving everyone and clearing up it was nearly four hours into the flight. Then they dimmed the lights for a whole 30 minutes. During which time Clueless Chopra came on the tannoy to squawk about the duty free. And then came on again to peddle JetPrivilege.

Aiyiyiyiy!

Landing and arrival

Then, a good hour before arrival, all the lights came on. Then they took away the headphones and completely switched off the IFE. Not even the map was functioning. The screens all displayed "Thank You for flying Jet" and the same ghastly boarding music started blaring. For an hour.

Enough of Can You Feel the Love Tonight. It's long overdue for a change.

And no, I did not feel it tonight. I felt something. But it wasn't Jet's love.

Even with a short holding, we landed about 25 minutes early. The plane stopped at a remote stand (of course), Though everyone shot out of their seats immediately, for several minutes there was no movement at all.

Then one of the JetChildren made a belief-defying announcement: (paraphrasing here) "There is a bus shortage."

I'm pretty sure that wasn't necessarily the case, but "shortage" is the exact word that she used. Wow.

I actually don't mind the bus so much when arriving. There's not much of a gap between passengers, so one doesn't necessarily have to wait 20 minutes for the bus to become jhem pecked (unless you're one of the first to emerge from F/J, then plan on waiting until the slow coaches get to the bus). Besides, it drops you off right at immigration.

Speaking of, there was a bit of a queue for immigration, but it moved rather quickly. Bags took around 20 minutes after that to show up (slow, even accounting for where the plane was parked). Immigration officers didn't seem to be in the mood to do anything, so they were just telling people to walk on.

And we emerged out of the Sahar terminal building to be greeted by the standard sight resembling the aftermath of a disaster.
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justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

As expected from Jason!! But you seem to be losing your touch a tad bit!! You didnt poke fun at the check in agent, boarding gate, welcome, ground staff... Plus ur favourite Swahili movie not being available, Magazines not being available in Yucatan Mayan, never stepped into the loo .. Man, so many missed opportunities!! I suggest a re-write to bring into upto your golden whine standards!! Laughing

The bottle of water in medium/long haul flight is a good touch.. hv seen that on 9W/AI and on OS flights from India. But then again you turned that into a gripe too!! Impressed!! Smile

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Such a lie! You're totally disappointed that I didn't find more fault.

And the shortage of faults is because HKG was the departure airport, I was travelling Y and because the ground operation at HKG is in not in the hands of Jet-trained employees. In the past, the only Jet employee I've seen is one PR-type girlie keeping VIP passengers company, but I didn't even see one of those this trip.

As for my gripes, well, everything about this flight ranged from perfectly good to great, with one exception: the crew. They couldn't have been more incompetent if they tried.
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me111993 · Member Joined: 04 Sep 2009 Posts: 3225 Location: MAA/AMD

Thanks for posting.

The meal service takes that long because, I read somewhere, due to cost cutting measures, they removed a decent number heating ovens from their 777's (from 7 to 2 per galley, IIRC).

The empty F class is very unfortunate, but its' been happening a lot, you almost never find them even half full.

It's only on 9W 120 (the red-eye to LHR) and sometimes on 9W 118 (aft BOM-LHR) that they get some sort of F loads, and those suites are damn heavy. Now a days, that 3 weekly BOM-BRU service on the 77W, sees almost packed First Loads (they're pretty easily checked).

I'd say that they just reconfigure their 77W's to a 54J/274Y config.

They can get much better margins on HKG/LHR and can also send this 77W on a daily BOM-BRU-EWR run.
And, if routings permit, a 77W on BOM-SIN on Fridays and Saturdays.
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avbuff · Member Joined: 22 Dec 2006 Posts: 5031

Absolutely entertaining trip report ... for a change you were not traveling with Delna Razz

CX is a perfect example how one can royally screw a sure shot success route and from the looks of the TR 9W is being too complacent of their performance.

Looking forward to many more trip reports of yours.

andrew · Member Joined: 24 Apr 2007 Posts: 212

Awesome trip report Jaspel. Not only did I have tears from all the laughs... but you outlined every little feeling and emotion I (and I am sure many others) have had flying with Jet.. from cluless Chopra and the Jey Kindies, to the crap food, silly IFE choice, poor wine choice and their irritating penchant for securing the cabin just at the top of descent... a full 50 to 60 minutes before touchdown.

Flying CX always reminds you there is a better place to spend your money Smile

As for the massive difference on JP redemption vs the CX one, do you think they are being cute in generating revenues, or is it really taxes?

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Finishing up

The sublime

~ Cathay's aircraft
There is no way one would believe the 744 was nearly 20 years old. It was immaculate and looked brand spanking new.

~ Cathay's crew and service style
There's not much one should expect from the crew in Y, except that they do their job efficiently. Cathay's crew did. But what tipped the scales in their favour was that they kept the cabin dark and silent for most of the flight and managed to complete most of the meal service without disturbing those who were asleep. Impressive.

~ Cathay's IFE programming
Studio CX has by far the best variety and depth of programmes of any airline I've travelled.

~ Hong Kong's efficiency
From A to Z(ed), everything functions like clockwork.

The only thing is all the walking and climbing that one must do on a regular basis. If you're old or infirm, it's certain trouble. Except that the little Chinese ladies seem to have all the strength to go up and down stairs and slopes without too much trouble at all. And the same old frail-looking Chinese ladies give such incredibly strong foot massages, they easily make many big men seem like weaklings. I was so tempted to put one in my pocket and bring her home with me!

~ Jet's IFE hardware
It's still possibly the best I've encountered; eliminating the touch-screen in Y will improve it even more.

The good

~ Cathay's IFE hardware
Excellent; just a touch below Jet's.

~ Jet's IFE programming
I've almost always found it to be crap. On this trip, the selection was just as sparse and almost equally bizarre. But I found two movies to keep me entertained (Horrible Bosses - hilarious; Friends with Benefits - somewhat entertaining), so it gets a "good" rating.

~ Jet's partner redemption process
Surprisingly efficient. Enter preferences on the website and submit. Someone calls you and you take it from there.

~ Jet's Y seat
Perfectly good Y seat.

The bad

~ Jet's meal
The food would have been good had it not been left to sit out for hours. That's when you end up with the unfortunate case of chilled bhendi and warm wine.

The bizarre

~ Jet's crew
JetKids should be reclassified as their crew recruitment and welfare programme. It is a very appropriate name.

~ Jet's payment process
Jet send you an email with a form. You print the form. You fill in the details. You make photocopies of your credit card (front and back please) and your passport. Then you fax the whole thing.

Do they know it is nearly 2012?

~ Jet's website
The website does look clean and professional. However, there are a bunch of common sense / user-friendliness / convenience aspects that are either missing or just don't make sense. Basic information is found in a roundabout way. And some of the things they do / ask for are just plain bizarre.

~ Our immigration officials and forms
Why? Why? Why?

The disgracefully nasty

~ Jet's crew
This set of crew plumbed shocking new depths of incompetence, even for Jet's already abysmal standards of crew capability. They weren't just worse than you imagine; they were worse than you can imagine.

The stool sample I gave last week displayed more intelligence than any of the JetKids.

~ Sahar airport
What to say that already hasn't been said? Oh yes, rats the size of Jayalalithaaaaaa's left boob in baggage claim.

Can the next set of loonies please consider Sahar instead of the Taj or Zaveri Bazaar?

***************

And speaking of, I'm going to end with this:

Santa baby,
a Chinese lady under the tree.
For me.
I've been such an awfully good boy.
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Nimish · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 6:14 pm Post subject:

Great report Jasepl - thanks for posting!

The Jet crew certainly seem to have their task cut out if they go down the aisles of a 77W with a single set of trolleys for each Aisle. However to have the food cool till it's frigid, and the wine warm until it's unpalatable - this is not acceptable - not for a premium full service carrier. If 9W can't get a basic thing like this right, then they have lots of low-yield pax to look forward to, and the discerning ones will fly other carriers instead. And 4 hours for the end of the meal service - that sounds like most of the flight was just the meal service - quite amazing!

Also odd was going around checking for the special meals, and then promptly forgetting about actually delivering the special meals "automatically". Normally I've always seen the special meals being hand-delivered to each seat (direct from the galley), before the F&B trolley is rolled out.

I'm OK with the food coming with the drinks dolly as well - but then it's typically prefaced with a round of drinks immediately after the ding-ding indicating safe to move around after take off. Definitely helps take the edge out of waiting an hour for the food to actually arrive...

I think 9W have hit the nail on the head by distributing half-liter bottles of water. If the DGCA wants to interfere with the operations of airlines, this is where they should really focus on Smile

- mandate that all international flights to India should include a half liter water bottle on the seat.

I think Jet's Y seat should be up in the sublime - I definitely found it quite a heaven-send the one time I've been on their 77Ws. That leg rest thing was definitely innovative and very comfortable - not seen any other carrier imitate that yet. The rest of their Y seat was very similar to SQ's new Y seat - definitely a good standard to compare one against.

And BTW - why was the amply endowed Ms. JJs right asset left out in the narration? It's feeling very hurt and has a good mind to issue a fatwa against you Smile

. And has also been spotted singing "Why this Kolaveri di" recently Very Happy

.

Cheers!
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sumantra · Member Joined: 28 Oct 2007 Posts: 4685 Location: New Delhi

Jason, thanks for yet another comprehensive report. I enjoyed every bit of it. I find some interesting comparisons with Air India's 777 service on this sector, which I have experienced twice in the past year. Yes, I am yet to key in that report, but...overall, I have found Air India's service, passengers loads in economy, and of course, the food and beverages part - much better than what you have described for Jet. Nimish - what is so special about the Jet footrest that is not there in Air India's standard product in Y? Air India seems to be doing something good on this sector, at least - something consistently good.
Cheers, Sumantra.

stealthpilot · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 2325 Location: BLR, DXB

One of the most annoying things is if you have to wait 30 mins after you eat for the clearance. Another one is waiting 30 mins for the cart to reach your row in the first place.
Sounds like yours was a double whammy.

Another one is switching off the IFE... why cant they leave it on? If you have to stow away your TV that's fine- but why turn off IFE for the seatback screens? Hmmmmmm

In defence of the cabin crew, I would imagine the service procedure is not decided by them but the airline. When to start service, when to run the drinks cart etc...
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PAL@YWG · Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 9:13 am Post subject:

Intersting Trilogy, Jason, bearing your trademark style in each part.
Thoroughly enjoyed your gastonomical adventures (with mouth-watering pictures) in Hong Kong, reminded me the mini-version that I treated myself with few years back.

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

On second thoughts, perhaps I should rewrite the return trip.

This version should be more palatable:

The line was a mess and after waiting for abt 45 mins, I finally managed to get checked in.

The crew consisted of the usual suspects – a bunch of children.

Midway through the flight, I was awakened by what I thought was an hijack attempt, but turned out to be our "friendly neighbourhood JetChild" scowling at me and the gun turned out to be the JetChild’s finger poking into my side. He must have been in a bad mood because his job was getting in the way of his beauty sleep or gossip!!

I chose the veg.. big disappointment.. It was so cold by now that it was inedible. The only saving grace on that entire tray was the dessert, which was delicious.

Made a visit to the loo aftet the meal and was kinda shocked to find that , all they had in was soap and tissues and a single flower.. not even cups!! I have seen domestic flights with more stuff that this!!

The IFE is a big joke!! A few mostly rubbish English movies, random in-between episodes of in-between seasons of obscure TV shows, a big selection of Bollywood and very little in other languages. For airlines that launched IFE in the 90s this was probably wow!! but in 2011.. extremely disappointing

Overall the trip was a disaster. I had very low expectations from Jet but they beat my expectations and dived to newer depths!! If this is the condition on what the airline touts as one of it’s flagship routes, I shudder to think of the situation in other routes.

Apart from a/c and hardware, there is nothing much working for Jet - indifferent ground staff, clueless onboard crew, low grade IFE content and bad catering!!

The only postive aspect of the entire journey was that the flight was on time and landed in BOM before time, but everything else was an utter disaster!!
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justbala · Member Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1898 Location: Bangalore

me111993 · Member Joined: 04 Sep 2009 Posts: 3225 Location: MAA/AMD

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay

Speaking of clueless children who should be in diapers...
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me111993 · Member Joined: 04 Sep 2009 Posts: 3225 Location: MAA/AMD

jasepl · Member Joined: 26 Jul 2008 Posts: 4257 Location: bund-bay