Airliners-India.com

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:20 pm Post subject: JOKE!!!!

Well would like to share a joke with you all.

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out of the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

“I'm sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:59 pm Post subject:

Another one:

A Navy officer was cutting through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.

“Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?” the officer demanded. “No, sir, but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either.”

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:05 pm Post subject:

The following is an ad. from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY Notice:
For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice:
We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad. yesterday. It should have read:
"One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."

WEDNESDAY Notice:
R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error that we made in the classified ad. yesterday. The ad. stands corrected as follows:
"For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice:
I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!

the_380 · Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 11:19 pm Post subject:

Great ones mate...i loved the sailor one da most!!! keep it coming.... Laughing

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

shivendrashukla · Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 11:12 pm Post subject:

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.
In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no
language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."

Aiel · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 927 Location: Bangalore

Love the professor one. I love sarcasm. Laughing

_________________
My Flickr photos

My JP.net account

Akshay · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 315 Location: Mumbai

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture.

_________________
MRVC Mania. My blog dedicated to the new violet-white suburban rakes of Mumbai.

himmat01 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1392 Location: DEL

150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private
investigator - Alan Pinkerton for protection. That was the beginning of
the Secret Service.

Since that time, the US federal government has produced a large number of multi-letter agencies such as: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now they have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service".

Can't you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their
black outfits with jackets saying across their backs: F.A.T.A.S.S.

The FATASSs are of course supervised by a special section of the Home
Land Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office
Logistics Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.

Don't you feel safer already.
_________________
Save Maharashtra!

the_380 · Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:31 pm Post subject:

Akshay · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 315 Location: Mumbai

Too good, himmat Laughing

_________________
MRVC Mania. My blog dedicated to the new violet-white suburban rakes of Mumbai.

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:30 pm Post subject:

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,
"There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied, "In the lake."

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

It's not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:36 pm Post subject:

10 Rules of Indian film-making

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).
2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will (a) die (b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Otherwise it will be sustained.
5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first twenty minutes, and commit suicide.
6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never miss or run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).
8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of (a) pots (b) barrels (c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
9. Any movie involving lost & found brothers will have a song sung by (a) the brothers (b) their blind mother (she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the tearful climax), or (c) the family dog/cat.
10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories: (a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles. (b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him on the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero. (c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax[/b]

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:39 pm Post subject:

Memo: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)

Memo: Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.)
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)[/b]

the_380 · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:27 pm Post subject:

Too good shivendra... just too good...!!! Laughing

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

shivendrashukla · Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:09 pm Post subject:

Matrimonial advertisements

These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spell errors have no

place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after

reading this mail...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any

one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education

but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...

when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she

is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(Homework?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never

create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can

run smoothly. thank you

(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

he should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one

brother and one sister. he should be educated.

(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love

to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am

looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself

a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........

hold

my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i

amlooking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as

in KSBKBT......

(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much,

ain't he?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while

steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO

LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF

GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN

GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH

ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing{laughing})

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom

and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde

called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the

patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering

from "Ok-syndrome")

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND

1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK

(the "ok syndrome" again)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother

sister complity marred

(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married

'completely'?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent.

i

am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi

diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.

(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes

pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(height of desperation! J )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Iwant one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank

he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think

is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful.

but

iam not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a

good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.

bye bye.

(uttama purishinin)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.

(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i

divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good

minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste

accepted ...

(but credit cards not accepted..???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service

(Zebra..???)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should

be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.

(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable

(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom.

I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one

soon.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure.

because boy is the maharaja.

(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying

salary at present.

the_380 · Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:56 pm Post subject:

Now i've made up my mind...IM NOT GONNA LOOK AT THE MATRIMONIALS HUNTING FOR ANOTHER WIFE (yeah right i also lost my 'englis'!!! Wink

)
_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

AKLDELNonstop · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1066 Location: Auckland

Damn I have no hope I fit none of the above criteria.
_________________
Geniuses are always misunderstood in their lifetimes.

the_380 · Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:52 am Post subject:

Found some more:
Aircraft Designer's descriptions:

best suiting iaf : SUKHOI

kick a** aerodynamics : MiGs

showoffs : Lockheed Martin

play follow the leader with lockheed martin : BOEING FIGHTERS
aircrafts that refuse to fly unless the pilot has had tea : BAE

take a bae design and design a fly by wire system that fails on take off : HAL

make a successful cilian a/c and sell it for over a good 50 yrs : BOEING

make a/c's which make sure the pilot gets to do (or is allowed to do anyway) a very little : AIRBUS

and finally a flight engineer's nightmare : tristar L - 1011

now which one do i select as the best... Rolling Eyes

they're all so nice... Wink

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:11 pm Post subject:

It was the first day of school in California and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history:--Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
She said."Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'"? ---Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki,who is new to our country, knows ore about its history than you do. This riled the class a bit. She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. --Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." > At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke [vomit]". The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush [Sr.] to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair, excitedly waving his and and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." ---Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "[California Congressman] Gary Condit to intern Chandra Levy 2001."
(The teacher fainted.) And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" --- and Suzuki said, "Americans,... in Iraq, 2004!"

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:14 pm Post subject:

Men are better friends

Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and none of them confirm that.

Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Moral of the story: Men are better friends!!!!

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:34 pm Post subject:

The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."

Guys you can also post some jokes in here if you have some to share

Cheers
Shivendra

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 11:42 pm Post subject:

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
-------------------------------------------------------------
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love Marriages...I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.
Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems..Gimme a break!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
”Aaj Tak gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at
Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, "Sardarji how did it happen?"
Sardar: "Oh ji pucho mat. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade
gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee
express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi
PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par
kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi."
Aaj tak: "Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin
koode."
Sardar: "oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liye patri par hi leta
tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya ."
-------------------------------------------------------------
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Name ten animals from Africa. Nine elephants and a giraffe.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Some Realties of Life. "U love someone U marry someone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband. And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id"Q: Why dogs don't marry? A: Bcoz they are already leading a dog's life!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks To be as rich as his child believes To have as many women as his wife suspects..
-------------------------------------------------------------
See the Indian Guts!
They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the American said -- "See the guts!"
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said -- "See the guts!".
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.
The soldier promptly replied,"Tere baap ka naukar hooon kya?????." At this the general proudly said, "See the guts!!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Mallu Interview
A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "Not This Woman." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Employment!
A desi was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sales'boy'
A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$101,237.64."
The boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'

shivendrashukla · Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 11:40 am Post subject:

THE 25 RULES OF FLYING

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull

The stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way

back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing

you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep The pilot cool. When it

stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided With the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' Landing is one after which

they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle Of arrival. Large angle

of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going Hundreds of miles per hour and

the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

13. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

14. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible

15. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's

Not subject to appeal.

16. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

17. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a

tenth of a second ago.

18. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

19. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to Five minutes earlier.

20. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane

going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to

hide out in clouds.

21. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the Number of take offs you've made.

22. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

23. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the

bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

24. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round And round and all you can

hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

AND FINALLY,

25. When in doubt, take AMTRAK. They may crash more, but they don't have to fall before they do!

HAWK21M · Posted: Sun Mar 18, 2007 2:23 pm Post subject:

Nice one there Shiven
regds
MEL
_________________
Think of the Brighter side !!!

Akshay · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 315 Location: Mumbai

Nice ones shivendra.....

A board seen outside a shop in Mumbai : Please park your footwear here Laughing

_________________
MRVC Mania. My blog dedicated to the new violet-white suburban rakes of Mumbai.

the_380 · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject:

Nice jokes Shiv.... Wink

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

the_380 · Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2007 11:50 pm Post subject:

6 Weeks , 6 Months, 6 Years .

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??
_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

shivendrashukla · Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 10:53 pm Post subject:

Thanks every one for appreciating. And feel free to post your favourites too.

Cheers
Shivendra

shivendrashukla · Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:33 pm Post subject:

Girl:- main tere liye sab kuch chod dungi....
boy - maa Bap
g - yes
B - Bhai Behan
G -yes
b - Freinds
g - Yes
B - STAR PLUS ??

G - ZABAAN SAMBHAL KAR BAAT KAR!!!

shivendrashukla · Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:35 pm Post subject: Cool Definitions

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

shivendrashukla · Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:38 pm Post subject:

BCCI is hiring!!!

Vacancies

1) Captain (P-001),
2) Vice Captain (P-002),
3) Coach (P-003) and
4) Team Members (P-004)

Eligibility Criteria

We are looking for Audience who have consistently watched all the world cup matches and who have scored over 65 runs in Room Cricket & Street Cricket

Experience in Football, Volley ball is an added advantage ….

Models, Actors (Advertisements) are most preferable…..

LKG & UKG Teachers are preferable for the post of coach.

Selection Process

1. Batting Test (Vs Bermuda) (Candidate must score at least 50 runs )
2. Bowling/Fielding Test (Candidate should not bowl more than 3 wides /no balls in an Over)
3. HR Interview &

4. Advertising potential.
(Candidates will be called upon for the selection process based on the Eligibility Criteria)

Send ur resumes with subject Name/Post/Max runs scored:

Example: Dhoni/P-004/37 to callforcric@bcci.com

Venue : Wankhede Stadium

Marine Lines,

Mumbai.

Date: 01-Apr-2007

Reference Books:
1) “You can also be a Batsman” by Munaf Patel.
2) “Cricket in 21 days” by Sidhu.
3) “How to kill a Coach” by Inzamam.
4) “How to save your house “by Dhoni.

5) “Failure Mantra” by V. Sehawag.
6) “Look me at World Cup 2011” by Sachin Tendulkar.

Sponsors:
1) Bank of Bangla Desh
2) State Bank of Dhaka.
3) Bangla Desh Gramin Bank.
4) Bermuda Pants.
5) Bank of Bermuda

shivendrashukla · Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:41 pm Post subject:

Smart One LIners.......................

*1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tellsher
that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all yourFriends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your
life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your
life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from
Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the
ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because per
Constitution,
you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake

himmat01 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1392 Location: DEL

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
_________________
Save Maharashtra!

the_380 · Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:09 am Post subject:

MURDER OF ENGLISH
Some Leave Applications

** "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave." **

** This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.." **

** Another gem from CDAC.

Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.." **

** "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday." **

** Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..." Razz

**

** Letter writing:-

"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well." **

** A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. **

** PS: this one is a real life incident in my school days a PT teacher with crappy english:
" ALL OF U STAND IN A STRAIGHT CIRCLE............... " Rolling Eyes

AND THE BEST WITH HIM ONCE:
"HEY U PLAYBOYS...CALL GIRLS....!!!! " (9th standard) Laughing

**
_________________
http://www.myspace.com/avsatsworld
A Walt Disney and 20th Century Fox Audio Producer!!! Very Happy

tsk911 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 223 Location: DEL

Hey!!! No Sardar jokes please...
_________________
Nalini... The Princess of the Sky... You are a star which will continue to illuminate your own A.net-India forever...

the_380 · Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:56 pm Post subject:

karatecatman · Guest

Queen jokes (now that the US goofed about the red carpet for the ongoing Royal visit!!!

Sick one!!!

"Hello this is the Queen of England.
If you are calling about another commonwealth realm press '0' now."

*presses 0*

For the Queen of Antigua and Barbuda press 1.
For the Queen of Australia press 2.
For the Queen of The Bahamas press 3.
For the Queen of Canada press 6"

*presses 6*

"I'm sorry the Queen of Canada is not available at this time as she is
currently occupied with the United Kingdom. Please call back later or
press 0 to be redirected to her assistant at Rideau Hall in Ottawa."

***

Queen Elizabeth was leaving for Washington by a British Airways 777, when its engines failed on the runway.
So the Queen had to disembark.
After a wait for an hour, the Queen was told by the British Government that they had managed to get an Air India 747 for her. When boarding, the nose wheel collapsed and all the curry meals in the galley flowed like a river and spoilt the Queen's clothes.
The Queen was upset but cooled down when told the Air India plane was an aircraft from her former colony.
This time she was tossed onto a Air India hostess's sari, thrown onto the emergency slide and and made to wait in Terminal One.
Finally after 2 hours, the Queen was informed that her flight was ready and it would be a VC-10 taken out from the Victoria and Albert Museum.
This time all was well on the Air Force VC-10. As it was lining up on the runway, an American Airlines skipper was told he was no2 for take off behind the Air Force VC-10.
"What is that?" the AA skipper replied.
Heathrow Tower responded: "The big bloody grey thing right in front of you, you shit head!"

himmat01 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1392 Location: DEL

Classic definition & Cool Meanings in new dictionary "

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist : - A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after…

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails...
_________________
Save Maharashtra!

himmat01 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1392 Location: DEL

Some laws WE never learnt in school or college:

1) Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2) Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to

the least accessible corner.

3) Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an
engaged one.

4) Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat
tire.

5) O ' Brien's Variation Law: If you change queues ( TrainTicket
reservation) , the one you have left will start to move faster than
the one you are in now.

6)BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone
rings.

7) RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting
someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to

be seen with.

Cool

WILLOUGHBY'S LAW: When you try to prove to someone that a machine /

system won't work, it will.

9) ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.

10) BREDA'S RULE: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest
from the aisle arrive last.

11) OWEN'S LAW: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.

12) HOWDEN'S LAW: You remember you have to mail a letter only when
you're near the mailbox.

13) KITCEN'S RULE: You doubt whether you have switched off the light
or not once you are on the Bus to office.

__._,_.___
_________________
Save Maharashtra!

himmat01 · Member Joined: 19 Dec 2006 Posts: 1392 Location: DEL

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is? \"Bob\". \"And what is your question, Bob?\"

\"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, \"OK, where were we? Oh that\'s right --- question time. Who has a question?\"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is?

Steve\"
\"And what is your question, Steve?\"

\"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is \"Bob\"? !!
_________________
Save Maharashtra!